What's Your Toilet Story??

I was reading the New York Times today and saw this article.

Apparently American Standard is having a contest for the best toilet story. This, in my opinion, is extremely enjoyable because it caused me to think about what might be my very best toilet “incident.” Everyone who knows me is well aware that this is one of my favorite topics of conversation.

For me, the only one that came to mind was the most recent occurrence, i.e., the day that I returned from vacation in Mexico. Something about traveling does not mesh well with my internal organs, so for 5 days I was bound up and could not muster up a good poop. Fast forward to my 2.5 hour drive up to my parents house to pick up my dogs. It was late in the evening after a 4-hour flight, so I stopped at Wawa for a large coffee. Needless to say, I came to later find out that this was a big mistake.

Approximately four minutes after I passed the last rest stop on the turnpike, “it” arrived. That feeling. You know the one I’m talking about. There was a monster inside me. I felt like that guy in the movie Spaceballs who had the little alien burst out of his insides with a top hat and cane, singing “hello by baby, hello my darling” and proceeded to march his way down the bar. Anyway, I was in big trouble. I still had about an hour and a half until I was at my parents’ house. I knew I wasn’t going to make it that long, but what I didn’t realize was that I was going to barely make it to the next exit.

Well, I did make it by, like, a millisecond. And that toilet saw something I’d venture it has never seen before and just may never see again. That, my friends, is my toilet story. And it was a double flusher.